so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
