What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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