I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
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I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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