I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
