Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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