YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
