New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I forgot how hot balto sounded
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
