sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
