how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
