your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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