i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
