He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
