There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize