Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
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i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
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dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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