Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
