Someone shit on the floor
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
