are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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