I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
