i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
