yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
