No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
