I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
