No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He shit in the fireplace
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
