while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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