Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
