TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I will be naked everywhere
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
