I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
