we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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