; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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