hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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