I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
