Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
