she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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