Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
