we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
