I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
