Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
