I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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