i don't like sucking hair
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm always down for nudity.
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