I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
