just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
