Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
