Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
