I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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