Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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