we'll go far in life on tits alone.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
