your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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