During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
so let's talk penis.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
