I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
