I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
