THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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