in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
