i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
