he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
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I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
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We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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