she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
