So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
