5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
