Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
