WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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