White coat. Heels.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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