bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
