we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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