ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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