so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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