I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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