What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
