Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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