I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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