Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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