Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
