My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
