first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
All I want is dick and wine.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize