Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
