Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
