so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
